What if our parenting choices are making it harder for our kids to build meaningful relationships?
As parents, we all want to raise children who thrive—not just academically, but socially and emotionally. We want them to express themselves freely, stand tall in who they are, and form meaningful relationships. But in striking this balance, there are common traps many parents fall into.
Some, in an effort to encourage individuality, avoid teaching manners altogether. Others, wanting to ensure their kids are liked, teach compliance instead of kindness. Both approaches can have unintended consequences that hurt our children in the long run.
Let’s dive into why teaching good manners—the right way—can make all the difference.
A Story About Good Intentions Gone Wrong
When my kids were in elementary school, we were part of a homeschooling co-op where 50 families came together weekly. Each parent taught a class based on their area of expertise, providing a wonderful opportunity for learning and connection.
One family, however, stood out—and not for good reasons.
They had a parenting philosophy of never saying "no" to their children. They believed this would encourage freedom and self-expression. But the results were devastating for their kids.
The children had no friends. Other kids avoided them because they were hard to get along with—demanding, rude, and unwilling to compromise. Parents dreaded having them in their classes because they wouldn’t listen and often disrupted lessons without restraint.
These kids became socially isolated, despite being surrounded by one of the most loving, kind, and open homeschooling communities Their behavior made them nearly impossible to be around.
This heartbreaking situation highlights an important truth: when we fail to teach our children good manners, we hurt them. We isolate them from the natural connections that humans need to thrive.
Why Good Manners Matter
Good manners are more than just polite words and gestures—they’re tools for building relationships, trust, and a sense of belonging.
Manners build bridges by showing respect, thoughtfulness, and kindness. When children learn to say "please," "thank you," and listen attentively, they create opportunities for connection. They signal to others, I value you and want to work together.
Poor manners build walls by creating friction, misunderstanding, and even exclusion. When children don’t learn these essential skills, they risk alienating others and missing out on valuable relationships.
Good manners help kids form a "village" of people who will cheer for them, support them, and stand by them throughout life. They’re not about suppressing individuality—they’re about equipping kids to navigate the social world with confidence.
The Danger of Teaching Compliance
While manners are essential, it’s equally important to teach children that they shouldn’t feel pressured to please everyone. Here’s a truth they need to hear:
No matter what you do, no matter how kind or thoughtful you are, 10% of people won’t like you.
Even the most perfect, nicest person has critics. It’s not personal—it’s just life. When kids understand this, they’re freed from the unrealistic pressure to be perfect or to say “yes” to everyone. They learn that good manners are about forming connections, not losing their identity.
Finding the Balance: Good Manners + Self-Expression
So how do we strike the right balance between teaching good manners and encouraging individuality?
Teach kids to use manners as a tool for connection.Explain how kindness, respect, and politeness help them build relationships and navigate social situations successfully.
Let them know they don’t have to please everyone.Normalize the idea that not everyone will like them—and that’s okay. Encourage them to stay true to their values.
Model kindness and confidence.Kids learn by watching us. Show them how to balance respect for others with self-respect in your own interactions.
Why This Matters
Raising kids who are both kind and confident is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Without manners, they risk isolation; with compliance, they risk losing themselves.
The key is finding the balance—empowering children with the skills to build meaningful connections while reminding them they don’t have to sacrifice their individuality to be liked.
Let’s raise children who are kind, respectful, and unapologetically themselves—because those are the kids who grow into happy, connected adults.
Take the First Step
Finding this balance doesn’t have to be complicated. It starts with small, intentional steps that help your child build character and confidence. That’s why I created the 7-Day Hero Journal Challenge—a simple, guided way to help your child perform small acts of kindness and reflect on their daily actions.
In just a few minutes each day, your child will learn how to connect with others through kindness while staying true to themselves. Together, you’ll build a powerful habit of self-awareness and compassion, fostering the emotional skills they need to succeed in life."
Ready to get started?
Join the 7-Day Hero Journal Challenge today and take the first step toward raising kind, confident kids who make a difference in the world.